These are a few of my favorite things...

Springtime! Outside...with this guy.

My little family. Love them. 

The feel, smell, warmth of this.

Spending EVERY day with these two.

His love and tenderness.

Rare Moments... like this.

 This silly, cutie face.

         These creative minds.

The quietness of early morning, coffee and God. 

Cherish the Moments

Holy smokes, the days sure do seem long, but at the same time fly by. It's nearly springtime, and I haven't posted since last fall?! Time for a bit of a catch up!

Gideon is five going on six in July. Really, where has the time gone? My "baby boy" is long gone and has turned into a soon-to-be kindergartner. And he's amazing. So many memories packed into five (almost six) short years. Sometimes I wish I could go back and re-live certain moments with him. Even as far back as the morning he was born. I remember it clear as day. That precious first cry (which then...well, never seemed to stop for months...) and holding him in my arms for the first time. Or the many walks and stroller runs we would go on together. Filling up the kiddie pool in the summertime. Going to the mall in the winter just to "get out" and stroll around or go on dinky little rides. Splashing in puddles when it would rain. The many "projects" we would do together. Obviously we can still do most of these things together, but there was something special about it being just me and him. And I still cherish those times in my heart. Certainly times weren't always rainbows and sunshine. In fact, a lot of the time it wasn't (and still isn't)! If I really, honestly think back, I also remember many tears, frustrations, exhaustion...oh yes, complete and utter exhaustion. And the many sleepless nights wondering if I'd ever get it right. Yep. I still wonder that. But I've learned, and am still learning, that at the end of the day there is GRACE. When I wake up in the morning...GRACE. I need it. He needs it. Everyday. I've learned to be honest with him. I tell him that I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness. He knows and understands that mommy is not perfect and mommy needs Jesus just as much as he does. I love his heart. So much. He can be so stubborn, but turn around and pour his tender heart out in my arms. I pray he stays tender. I pray I become more tender. Thank you, Gideon, for all that you've taught me and continue to teach me. Keep thinking, learning, asking questions, talking to Jesus...and keep on seeking truth. I have loved all of your different stages of interests...cars, trucks, dinosaurs, construction vehicles, bugs, angry birds, and now dragons! But above all, never lose that love you have for Jesus and truth. Can't wait to see what the years to come have in store.

Jocelyn is almost two! She now holds up her two pointer fingers when we ask her how old she's going to be and says, "Two!!" Oh goodness, Jossie-girl. My sweet-as-pie, lovie-love, snugly, smooshy, kissy girl. Not a day has gone by without kisses, snuggles, hugs and sweetness from her. I squeeze those utterly, precious cheeks every day. And cherish every kiss. Every morning now, she will snuggle with me in bed and I take it all in. Really, I do. Have you ever read that sad book, "Let me hold you longer," by Karen Kingsbury? I get a knot in my throat whenever I read it, which is why I haven't read it in a very long time! Here's a glimpse..."Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts: First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst. But one day you will move away and leave to me your past, and I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts...The last night when you woke up crying, needing to be walked, when last you crawled up with your blanket, wanting to be rocked..." and so on. I know I'm going to miss these moments and so I cherish them. I think it's been easier to cherish in the past month now too because my little missy moo girl is FINALLY sleeping through the night!!! This is BIG news people. It's been a long two years (well, almost 6 years if you count Gideon, hahaha) since she was NOT a good sleeper. Things I will not miss...sleep deprivation, times of depression and feeling like a zombie. It wasn't easy, but hallelujah, we've made it this far! She is such a blessing from God. I look at her sweet, sleeping face every night before I go to bed and my heart melts with love for her. It's all so worth it. I love you, Jocelyn Ruth. Terrible Twos, here we come!!!

A "Special Time"

It was one of those days. You know the ones...counting the hours, minutes even, until bedtime. Lots of attitude, back-talking, direct disobedience, picking on lil' sis stuff going on from my "big guy." And missy moo was up a couple of times last night, cranked around all morning only to take a super short nap this afternoon and then proceeded to whine pretty much the rest of the evening! I was yelling the entire day through and just wishing the day to be over and done with. All I wanted was a couple hours of silence with no kids, and a fresh start the next morning.

I put Joce to bed at 6:30 and told Gid he could play outside a short time more before his bedtime. I turned on the faucet, sighing at the sight of dishes to be done. "Can you come outside with me?" he asked. "Not right now, I have to finish these dishes." I said. As I heard him come through the back door, I thought, "Ugh! Just play so I can get this done!" Much to my surprise, Gideon asked if he could help me with the dishes. Turns out, my anxiety calmed as I showed him how to clean and put the different dishes on the drying rack. Afterward, I told him what a great job he did and gave him money for his jar.

We decided to head out to the back yard with blankets and look at the clouds. He called it a "night out." I didn't expect it to be as wonderful as it was. Gideon spotted a caterpillar, butterfly, mouse, upside-down bird, coyote, kangaroo, destroyer ship, and a caterpillar shedding its skin! I spotted a rat and an elephant. Apparently, he has a bigger imagination than I! All the while, he ran around in circles with excitement. I even received a hug and an "I love you!" from him. He said, "This is a special time." Indeed it was. It ended with us gazing at the gorgeous moon in the early night sky and Gideon wondering if he could "jump off a tree branch onto the moon."

So, what was an annoying, no-end-in-sight kind of day, turned into a memorable, "special" night. One I won't ever forget. Thank you Lord for this gift and your grace that never ends.

My flesh and my heart may fail...

In less than a week, Joce will be 11 months old. Almost a year! While in some ways it is a little sad, in a lot of ways, a sigh of relief that we've made it through the first year! It's been a long year. Don't get me wrong, Jocelyn is such a blessing, a gift,  sweet as pie, I like to say! But, she's also a fireball, clingy and as most know, a horrible sleeper! Up every two hours (or less) for months. Pure exhaustion. I was down-right miserable for quite awhile. I was an emotional wreck, mean, impatient, short-tempered and depressed. All the while plagued with guilt for feeling and acting in these ways. Add to that pile OCD tendencies and being a control freak. Not a good mix. I remember one night (this was when I had mono), as I laid in bed listening to Joce screaming, telling Colin that there was no way I could even move, let alone get up and feed her AGAIN. How was I going to get through the next day? Well, I did get through it, oh me of little faith. God allowed me to get a couple extra hours of rest early that morning while the baby slept in and Gideon watched cartoons. It's all I needed to get me through.

Through all of these trials, God has grown me and taught me how to lean on Him, my Rock, my Strength. I cannot do this alone. I need to ask for help and allow others to be a blessing. (I received much help from family and friends.) He has taught me to see what is really important. Rocking my baby to sleep, lying in bed with Gideon and answering his many questions about life, playing a game, reading a book, letting him help me with baking or doing the dishes (even though it may be messier or take longer), taking a walk, talking and spending time with my husband. Dishes may be overflowing, laundry piling over, crumbs on the floor, finger prints on the windows, toys and "stuff" cluttering up the house and the list goes on. Some of these things will still be here tomorrow, but some will be gone before I know it. I've also learned that I'm going to fail, but that does not mean that I give up. "For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust." (Ps 103:14) I yell, I nag, I accuse and I believe Satan's lies about myself instead of God's promises. But as the verse says, "The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail, They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness!" (Lamentations 3:22-23) He will not give up on me. I love this from A.W. Tozer, "How unutterable sweet is the knowledge that our Heavenly Father knows us completely. no talebearer can inform on us, no enemy can make an accusation stick; no forgotten skeleton can come tumbling out of some hidden closet to abash us and expose our past; no unsuspected weakness in our characters can come to light to turn God away from us, since he knew us utterly before we knew Him and called us to Himself in the full knowledge of everything that was against us." Thank you Lord!

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)

and I keep on counting...

Sigh. I fumble for my glasses in the darkness and squint for the time. 4:18. My feet hit the cold, wood floor as I fight against my eyelids for the third time tonight. I pick her up and feel something wet. Another blowout! Another early morning bath. Too early. As I peel the soiled sleeper off of her and fill the bath with warm water I wonder, "Could I be the only person in the entire world awake at this hour?" Of course I know I am not, but it seems. I think for a moment of those "good ole' days" when I was awakened by an alarm and the glorious feeling of hitting that snooze button one more time, hiding for 5 minutes longer under cozy covers. She flashes a toothless smile at me as I pour warm water over her. "What is there to smile about at this hour, you little stinker," I think. As we make our way downstairs, I push the toy bugs aside with my foot and plop down with baby girl. She looks at me with bright eyes and I know she is not going back to sleep anytime soon. Gone are the days of going back to bed when baby does. Before I know it, 6:00 rolls around and my big boy comes meandering down stairs. "I need a drink," he mumbles, wiping sleepy eyes. Sigh... will he ever remember the manners I taught him over and over and over again? As I look for his cup, my feet walk over something crunchy. Ah, the fishy crumbs that I haven't vacuumed up yet from two days ago. Where is that cup (the only one he likes to drink from)?! I find it alongside of the couch, annoyed that I didn't wash it out last night. I turn on the sink. As water flows over a sink full of dishes still yet to be washed from the night before, I look out the kitchen window. Dawn is rising and I see the silhouette of trees against early morning, autumn sky. Beautiful. "Mommy, I'm hungry!!!" I mutter something under my breath, wondering if I could get away with just serving cheez-its for breakfast this morning instead of the homemade pancakes he likes. Actually, I would probably be the greatest mom in his book if I did! And so the day begins...

Though my greatest dreams have come true -the committed husband totally in love with ME, the two babies (well, one I at least still call my "baby boy" even though he is no longer one) I chose to stay home with every day and raise- (and yes, these are my greatest dreams come true), I still struggle through each day. How easy it is to see the negative and overlook the "gifts" God gives to me everyday. As quoted by Ann Voskamp, "Long, I am woman who speaks but one language, the language of the fall - discontentment and self-condemnation, the critical eye and the never satisfied." But, I see hope. I am learning... slowly... slowly. I can learn to see through thankful eyes. "A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit." (again, Ann Voskamp) Those honest questions from my 4 year old boy, the way only I can comfort my baby girl, that first hot soup of the fall season, mulled cider candle from hubby to brighten a bad day, music of crickets through an open window, little hands collecting bark and acorn treasures, tree branches tall dancing in the wind before rain falls, elbow dimples in little arms, bursting open back door to let little feet run into morning light, steam rising from hot mug, full moon and bright eyes, little arms pull me close ...these all are gifts, and I keep counting...

Eucharisteo continued...

55. Silhouette of trees against early morning sky
59. Steam rising from hot mug
63. Clean sheets blowing in the morning breeze
64. Red stained little boy lips from water ice
65. Dirty bare feet at play in the back yard
66. Freedom.
67. Boy in wonder

"We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing." Ps. 39:6

"Every day may not be good...

but there is something good in every day."

I took this picture one sunny day when I was very down and feeling overwhelmed by life. This was my "something good" in that day.:)